A New Year

I have a goal to get back on the boat. Back IN the boat. At the helm. I stopped blogging and journaling last year and I'm not sure why. I've journaled my entire life and it is one of my greatest therapies. I used to love lighting a candle near my bedside and writing my thoughts. I need this again in my life. I'm not putting a number on it, no expectations to post a certain amount each week. I just need to share again.

This year, I want to create something. I want to feel that excitement that comes with having a project that I've invented. I think writing will be a big part of that something. So here I am, writing. I hit a wall today that I've been nearing for a while now. I always think, "If I can just get the house completely clean, then I can start a project that I enjoy." Today I worked really hard to make that happen. I can walk from one end of my apartment to the other in twenty paces and yet it took me all day to get clothes put away, floors vacuumed, dishes washed (by hand). Then once everyone was in bed, the house was clean and quiet, I realized, "I'm exhausted. What am I supposed to do now?" I ache for a project, a purpose outside of these walls. Is it bad to want more than you are? I am a good mother. That's my priority. Shouldn't I also be developing my own self at the same time that I'm guiding five other little selves?

I'm not sure what it is yet that I'm feeling ready to CREATE but I will be sure to write about it here. So good to be back.

janelle