A New Year

I have a goal to get back on the boat. Back IN the boat. At the helm. I stopped blogging and journaling last year and I'm not sure why. I've journaled my entire life and it is one of my greatest therapies. I used to love lighting a candle near my bedside and writing my thoughts. I need this again in my life. I'm not putting a number on it, no expectations to post a certain amount each week. I just need to share again.

This year, I want to create something. I want to feel that excitement that comes with having a project that I've invented. I think writing will be a big part of that something. So here I am, writing. I hit a wall today that I've been nearing for a while now. I always think, "If I can just get the house completely clean, then I can start a project that I enjoy." Today I worked really hard to make that happen. I can walk from one end of my apartment to the other in twenty paces and yet it took me all day to get clothes put away, floors vacuumed, dishes washed (by hand). Then once everyone was in bed, the house was clean and quiet, I realized, "I'm exhausted. What am I supposed to do now?" I ache for a project, a purpose outside of these walls. Is it bad to want more than you are? I am a good mother. That's my priority. Shouldn't I also be developing my own self at the same time that I'm guiding five other little selves?

I'm not sure what it is yet that I'm feeling ready to CREATE but I will be sure to write about it here. So good to be back.

janelle

Fig Syrup and Night Swimming

We just spent the weekend in the Uintah's with good friends, sleeping in, eating really unhealthy food, and teaching our kids the in's and out's of snipe hunting. When we got home, I walked into the kitchen and stared at the sink, trying to figure out where all the splatters of something dark and brown had come from. And then my eyes moved up. Apparently a bottle of fig syrup I had made a few weeks ago, and then left in the sink right before we left, had exploded. Like, EXPLODED.

So naturally, we put the kids to bed and I spent the evening watching the Office. That left a load of work on my plate today. But the kids were great and Eloise and Jane even offered to help for about 15 minutes, and about six hours later I was done! Sometimes I think I'm just so GREAT at cleaning.

Once the house was almost back in order, we convinced Dad to brave Walmart with us to get a few ingredients for some pies I used as a bribe to my young women for them to bear their testimonies last Fast and Testimony meeting. We also needed some Command Strips for our new "Task Charts" that Hazel was hastily finishing for Family Home Evening tonight.

Walmart + Petsmart (for lizard food) in ONE HOUR = cause to celebrate.

After dinner we went over our current family systems, assigning each kid (except Jane) a system to be in charge of and explain to the rest of the family. Besides the two times that Ed stormed off in anger, once because he was shot with Dad's water gun for sucking on his fingers, they seemed to really be into these systems. I hope they work.

After dishes were done and Family Night was over, it was 8:30 and the kids reminded me that I had mentioned "night swimming" earlier in the day when I must have been feeling a bolt of energy and thought it might last past 8 pm. David immediately said that was crazy and he wasn't going. But I wanted to stick to my word, so I told the kids to get their swimsuits on. We stayed for an hour and the water was warm and Jane ended up in my lap, smelling of summer and her own strawberry-shortcake-ness. As I knelt for prayers with my two oldest, they both gave thanks for having the best mom in the world. I know they won't always feel that way, but for now, I'll tuck that memory away in my heart and save it forever.

Good, good day.

Janelle