Confession

I feel guilty. A few days ago I wrote about how I want to connect with other women out there who graciously read my blog. With that said, I posted a big whammy of a post about family economy and dumped my most awesome photos of our kids smiling next to their chore charts and our little family "banck." I'm not saying that good ideas should not be shared, but there wasn't a lot of connecting going on in that post.

And if any of you had a day yesterday like I had today--you know, where I tried to play with my kids in the back yard until they were fighting over the favorite bike and who got to throw the ball and yelling my name over and over so I finally ran inside, locked the back door and watched them through the window while I watched Parenthood on Netflix and drank the closest thing I can have right now to sugar (a smoothie with lots of cocoa powder, probably NOT Whole30 approved, but I'm not looking it up)--THAT kind of day--well, then I don't blame you if you threw up on your computer screen after reading about our cute little micro economy.

Motherhood involves the best of times and the worst of times. But I often post the pretty stuff because it's there often and it feels good to share it. We need to be able to share with others the awesome stuff we do every day as moms. We deserve to have an outlet for that and feed each other uplifting comments. At the same time, I feel the need to be REAL and share the not so pretty stuff with you too.
Like how sometimes I want more. I get bored. I feel stuck, trapped, lonely, and under-stimulated. I got so excited this morning about an activity for the letter "U" that I left the kids with my husband, who was working, and went to the Idaho Map Supply store. I bought everything I could find for the state of Utah. I came home with a huge BOX full of new paint, bee stickers, a state flag, a U.S. flag, a road map of Utah, a state coloring book, and even a Utah state puzzle. I chatted excitedly with my husband about my plan to frame this gigantic map of Utah in our front room and have a picture of our van that moves to all the places we'll go see in Utah this summer. He smiled, eyed the puzzle, and said, "Sounds great. I hope this stuff was cheap."

It was like I was on drugs. I had provided Idaho Map Supply with their biggest sale of the day and I hadn't even put a bra on yet.  I cut out some brown construction paper in the shape of Utah and we decorated them with bees and seagulls and sego lilies. I set out some honey for them to taste and found a plastic bee on our stairs (kismet) that I named Buzz and he asked them questions about what we'd learned about Utah history from our library book. I took pictures. I felt smart. (Did you know that our state animal is the Rocky Mountain Elk? Did you know the pioneers ate Sego Lily bulbs when food was scarce? I know these things now).

As I pinned our states to the wall, I felt good. I taught my children something new. I was present. We had giggled a little bit. It wasn't anything big by the world's standard--or really anyone's standard--but I felt in that moment that I was magnifying my role as a mom because I was putting forth effort.

It was only a few hours later that I was hiding inside instead of joining my kids in the yard and jumping into a hot bath during the fifteen minutes my husband was home. I burst into tears after he left and I was faced with a poopy two year old with a dirt-stained apple in his hands, a fussy baby, an inquisitive and repetitive three year old, and two other kids in the mix there. I might have cried while I changed Ed's diaper. I might have cried again when I tried to nurse my baby and my milk didn't come in again, as it does with all my babies at about this time, although I'm denying it.

I share all this because I know at some level you can relate with me. And we shouldn't feel alone on days like these because we've all been there. If all we show are the rainbows in our lives, they don't mean as much as they would if we'd sat through the rain together.

And I did get a little rainbow at the end of my evening. I pulled that inquisitive and repetitive three year old out of her bed to join us in the big girls' room and we read a book together. As I was reading with Ellie in my lap and my two older girls on either side of me, Charlotte started scratching my back, just like I often do to her. Then they got to tickle me for raising my voice at bedtime and I got to squeeze Ellie's legs and arms and say "squish."

I don't have a side business that is popular and I don't get invited to speak at cool conventions or share my talents with people abroad. I don't have a lot of followers on my blog and I don't make any money for posting my ideas.  The age of my daily audience does not exceed the age of seven, but I believe that I am the perfect match for my kids, as you are for yours. I can be a little crazy and feel the need to break OUT of my house sometimes, but I am so glad I chose to be a stay-at-home mom. No matter my talents, my popularity, or my income--my kids want ME. And I want to give my best version of me to them.

That's why I write on this blog. Keeps me centered and sane. I'm human and imperfect and I'll never try to convince you otherwise. Social media has it's masks, but I also think it's a wonderful way to share those not-so-pretty drenched in the rain moments that lead to our most memorable rainbows.

(That metaphor is cheesy, but I kind of love it.)

 (Eloise flipped her state over:)

The Entitlement Trap Book Review: Family Economy

So almost exactly ONE YEAR ago, I started writing a book review for one of my top three parenting books: The Entitlement Trap. I wrote about one of the three main family systems addressed in the book, family culture. Then I had a baby and got wrapped up in all that good stuff, but now I'm ready to post about the family system that the book is mainly focused on: family economy: how to teach your kids about earning, owning, and saving money. This is great stuff and it's helped us establish some great habits with our kids while they're young.

Here goes.

"Teaching kids how to work depends on teaching them why to work, and the best "why" is ownership!" p. 67

The idea behind this economy system in your home is that you will be taking what you're already spending on your kids and provide a way for your kids to earn that money for themselves. Then they not only learn the value of work and good habits, but they now have their own money to buy their own things.

"The basic thesis is that if kids are given a legitimate and fair way to earn money, they will develop initiative and motivation because they perceive ownership. If they have a chance to budget and buy more of their own things, they will learn discernment and discipline. If they save and invest their money, they will understand delayed gratification. And in the process, both their gratitude and their generosity will have a climate in which to grow."

Of course there are LOTS of different ways to set up a micro-economy in your home. The Power of Moms, an organization for deliberate mothers that was founded by the Eyre's oldest daughter Saren, suggests that you begin with a list of WHAT you want your kids to learn about money. Then establish a system that supports those values. The Eyre's suggest establishing your money system with your kids at the age of eight. We decided to implement a simplified version of that system for our younger kids now, so that we can establish those good habits early. Here's what we've done in the Phipps house:

 We set up a night with our girls to introduce our new family economy. I asked them to help me list all the things we have to do to keep the house in order and functioning. We made a long list with things like buying groceries, laundry, meals, dishes, bathrooms, cleaning floors, etc. We circled all of the tasks that they are in charge of, emphasizing that it was mom and dad who did the rest! On the other side of the board, I showed two fake dollar bills, one of which was cut into four pieces. Under the pieces I put four quarters (they don't quite understand money yet).

 I told them that they could earn a WHOLE DOLLAR every day during the week, if they do their jobs without complaining or needing lots of reminding. Then I showed them their chore charts, which they had already seen and helped with, so it was familiar. 

 

We followed the Eyre's suggestions to have four "jobs" each day. For our kids, they are as follows (pictured from bottom to top): 1. Morning Order: make your bed, get dressed, brush your teeth, put your jammies away. 2. Violin practice 3. Daily zone: We call this 5 o'clock clean up where we pick up our front room and vacuum the rug. 4. Bed time routine.

On Saturdays, all four tasks are replaced by a personal "zone," still worth $1. Hazel who was five when we started this, had bathrooms as her zone. (Isn't that an impressive toilet she drew??)

Charlotte, four, cleans the stairs for her zone.

Hazel drew the pictures for each ice cream scoop, giving her some ownership in this chore chart. As they finish a job, they add that particular scoop to the cone. Her pictures are my favorite part of the whole thing. 

 

There are magnets inside the felt so they stick to our door which I painted with magnetic paint. I had the whole chart made by a seller on Etsy for me. Contact me for more info if you want one!

 

I explained that if they earned all four scoops, they got to put a cherry on top which is worth another 25 cents. I emphasized that in order to earn their scoops, they have to do their jobs well, without whining or nagging from mom and dad.  

If your kids are old enough, you can teach them about the word initiative. (*Remember, you're not paying them to do their jobs, you're paying for them to do it willingly and well--you're "funding good habits!"--Entitlement Trap). I explained that if they whine and complain or drag their feet, they will still have to do their job, but they will not earn the ice cream scoop. 

  

I had eight scoops made for each of my two oldest daughters, so that there were more scoops they could earn for doing "extra" jobs. We labeled one of the extra scoops with a "13" and decided they could earn this scoop whenever they memorized an Article of Faith from our church.  

 You could use any tracking system that would be easy and functional for you.

As soon as they do one of the four tasks, they place that ice cream scoop on their cone. 

At the end of the day, after our bedtime routine, they come downstairs to the family bank. We had already spent a day or two working on this important part of the system, again giving the girls ownership in how it looks.

 I had a photo box that I spray painted gold and then let them decorate it to their hearts' delight.

 

 

It's simple: write your name on a slip of paper along with the number of scoops you earned that day. Mom or Dad initials it and they put it in the bank. On Saturday, PAY DAY, Dad opens the bank and makes a big deal about counting their slips.  He does the math ($.25 per scoop!) and then counts out their money in REAL DOLLARS.

 Here we are on our first pay day (my husband was laying sod, thus the Carhartts:). Our girls get so excited when they are handed those one dollar bills. That money goes straight into their piggy banks, and you can encourage them to save/spend however you feel is best. We have piggy banks that are divided into tithing, savings, and spending. We have them put 10% into tithing and save the rest until they have something special they want to spend it on. (Sometimes that something special is candy, but I let them do it for now so they can learn how it all works).

I highly recommend reading the book and choosing a system that works for you. Power of Moms has made some awesome video tutorials and worksheets for all three family systems that they sell HERE.

There it is folks. I'm kind of glad I waited to write this entry because we have been following this system for a YEAR now and I'm happy to say that it is still working. My girls don't use the scoops as much as they used to because they are old enough to remember what they did, but I still like using them as a tracking system for myself. Sometimes they go a while without turning in any scoops and then they have no money! I love being able to say to my kids when we're at the store and they want something, "You can buy anything you want--did you bring your money?"

I hope this post doesn't seem overwhelming to you. It took weeks for us to get this into place, but once we got started, it really has worked. This can be done with pencil and paper folks; it doesn't have to be fancy. And maybe, just maybe, we can all fight this wave of entitlement one kid at a time.

Deliberate mothering

I recently taught a workshop on family systems for Power of Moms at my house. There were eight of us moms with 25 kids between us all, the majority of which are under the age of seven. We started out by talking about discipline and systems that work with younger kids. By the end of the night, the discussion started to turn away from our children and their needs to--well, us. Depression was brought up, then some other words entered the conversation such as isolation, anger, guilt, and loneliness. We shared thoughts and insights, ended on a high and parted ways. One mom stayed and chatted with me for a while in my living room and when I opened the door to let her out, I noticed that all but one of the women who had attended the workshop were still standing in front of my house, talking. Connecting.

I, like all of you reading this, am a busy woman. I almost decided at the beginning of this year that I'm too busy with all the demands of motherhood and life to keep up with this blog. But after that workshop, I realized that I am a better mother when I connect with other mothers. There is nothing more powerful to me than hearing a friend say, "Me too." And so, with that said, I will be sharing more of my life on this blog than I have been. Not because I want to show off my awesome activities with my kids (because they ARE awesome), but because I want to connect with YOU.

A few weeks ago, I re-connected with a dear friend, Jackie Larson, who is one of the most talented photographers I know. I met her ten years ago while serving a mission in Antioch, California and recently had the chance to visit her and her family. While I was there, she pulled out her camera and took some shots of me and my Jane.

I love that Jackie caught this little moment because Jane seems to stare at me more than any of my babies, as if she's studying me. (I hope I pass.)

Good to know I have a bald spot. Ha.

Jackie recently posted this quote on her Facebook page: 

"There is no way to be a PERFECT mother, but a million ways to be a GOOD one." -Unknown

Jackie posts on her blog a series called "My A.B.C. life" every Friday where she recaps the week with beautiful photos. If you are ever in the Bay area, hire her. If you like to take pictures of your kids, go to her blog for inspiration. It is beautiful. I like that she captures the moment as it is and doesn't try to make it look perfect.

Here's to a perfectly imperfect week.

 

Chicken Nuggets and Diapers

On Saturday, we took all five of our kids to Costco. It was crowded and rainy and just before lunch, but all we needed was two things: diapers and chicken nuggets. We figured we could be pretty quick and stop for lunch in the food court. We sat in the parking lot discussing whether or not this was really a good idea until finally we decided to just do it. I believe the last thing my husband said before he pushed the button to open our van door was, "It'll be an adventure."

We started out with a plan. I had Jane (3 months) in my wrap so my hands were free. We put Edison (1) up front in the cart's kid seat next to Eloise (3). Then we had Hazel (6) and Charlotte (5) walk with one hand on the side of the cart, leaving plenty of room for our diapers and chicken nuggets.

Our plan started to fail immediately. Edison wanted to sit in the big part of the cart which was still empty and welcoming. Hazel and Charlotte were fighting because they kept running into one another as they insisted on standing on the same side of the cart, within inches of each other.

Then my husband had to go to the bathroom.

After I asked if he really had to go right now at least two times we parted ways and agreed to meet in the produce section. I stopped in the toy isle because I was looking for a birthday gift, forgetting that doing so was equal to tossing my kids into a pool of candy and telling them, "Nope! You can only look! Then I remembered an idea I had heard and told my kids that if they saw a toy they liked, I could take a picture of it so they could save their money for it. I felt like a genius. As we got to the end of the aisle my six year old asked to take a picture of a basketball. I reached into my pocket and quickly realized there was no phone. I had left it at home.  Fail.

We found my husband in produce and quickly fell into what I refer to as the Costco trap. It starts with "Well, while we're here we might as well get...."and ends with you spending $500 on a six month supply of peanut butter and canned chicken, in addition to the diapers and chicken nuggets.

The sample tables are tricky with a big group such as ours. We quickly worked out a system where David would grab two for the kids who were whining the loudest for a sample. Then he'd move forward a bit and I'd come along and grab another two for the other kids who were just now realizing that they didn't get one. I'd deliver those and then go back a second later for one last sample for David and I to share, emphasizing out loud, "Oh, just one for me, thank you!"

We now had a full cart and had yet to get the diapers or the chicken nuggets. I sent David after diapers with the three girls and I took Edison with me and Jane to get lunch meat. This is where things got tricky. When you buy lunch meat at Costco, you get a few pounds of it, so that impaired one arm. I reached out my other arm and called for Edison.

And that's when I heard his little voice say, "No." I looked back at him and I knew this was going to be ugly. He was holding really still, ready to break into a run as soon as I reached for him. I called out to him in an extra sweet voice and he shook his head, taking a step backwards. I waited a second and then lunged forward and caught him with my free arm, swinging him onto my hip. He arched his back, nearly knocking me off balance so I held him on my hip in the barrel hold.

On the way back to the diaper isle, I saw that strawberries were on sale. "While we're here, we might as well get...." I grabbed the giant container of a thousand strawberries, which meant I now had both of my arms full, a baby strapped to my chest, and an angry tired hungry toddler who was free and he knew it.

He ducked behind a crate of pears and after some firm commands, a little bit of begging and an attempt to force him out with my feet, I tried the "walk away" approach where I pretended I was going to leave him there with the pears. He followed me part of the way and then stopped in the middle of a crowded isle and started to cry. People from all around swarmed to him, looking for the negligent mother who would leave her child unattended. There I was, fifteen feet away, with my lunch meat and strawberries, feeling deflated and unwilling to claim him quite yet.

My husband showed up with diapers and one child in tears. I pointed with my elbow in Edison's direction and we re-grouped, ready to locate chicken nuggets and flea to check out. We finally had the nuggets and found apple juice and canned diced tomatoes along the way, none of which we needed but "while we're here, we might as well get."

The check-out line was at least ten carts long. While my husband stood in line with the kids, two of which were crying loudly now, I grabbed Edison and sought out some Ritz crackers and granola bars. As I was making my way back to check-out, I see my two oldest running towards me shouting, "Mom, Eloise PEED!"

I made my way to the front of the line where I spot my husband standing next to the cart holding Eloise who was staring down at a huge yellow puddle at her feet, giggling. We both looked up at each other, speechless. Directly below her dripping shoes in the bottom of the cart was the bag of frozen chicken nuggets.

The rest is a blur: Edison trying to wiggle out of my arms and weave in between carts, a Costco worker explaining to David that they can't mop up the pee because of sanitary purposes, the line of faces behind us, a roll of paper towels being handed to my husband and finally--the real kicker for me--seeing him stand there with at least thirty pee-soaked paper towels, asking if they had a trash can.

I fetched David's wallet, pinned Edison between myself and the check out counter and swiped our debit card.

EXPIRED. Yesterday.

I burst out laughing. I heard my husband who was still bent down on the floor say, "Are you kidding me??" They pulled our items which were now spread between two carts (because no one wanted to touch Eloise), to the side. We returned to the van, David holding Eloise over his shoulder and Edison on his hip and me with the baby and the two girls still talking about the pee puddle. I returned with my wallet, which was luckily in the car, and waited while they re-scanned every single item. I sighed with relief as I pushed my heavy cart out the doors.

Needless to say, we ate lunch at home. I made Orange Juliuses for everyone since they had all been looking forward to Costco's fruit smoothies. I changed Ellie's clothes and my husband crashed on the couch for a much deserved nap.

As I sanitized our bag of frozen chicken nuggets, I couldn't help but feel pride in the fact that we are NOT normal. Our life is crazy and messy and there are a lot of us. But years from now when I think back on this day, I'll be glad I was the mom with all the wild kids and expired debit card whose husband was mopping up urine on the floor. Because otherwise, I'd just be the person standing in line behind THAT family. We are THAT family, and we're awesome.

Peed-on chicken nuggets and all.

Homemade Ornaments

I had a baby! She was my biggest yet, weighing in at 8 lbs. 12 oz. It was a beautiful birth and we have some amazing pictures and video thanks to our dear friend and photographer, Camille Garrison. So grateful to have this little girl in our family. We named her Jane Louisa.

 

 The whole crew. We are so blessed. And crazy.

One of my favorite things about Christmas-time is home-made ornaments from my kids. Lately, they've been humoring me a lot as I've found some great ideas and the snow (and newborn) has kept us indoors. Cabin fever sets in at times, but at least we'll have some very cute tree ornaments to show for it.

I found this idea for noodle ornaments on Pinterest HERE and put our own twist on it.

I had some bowtie and penne pasta on hand, although my penne was whole wheat which made this a slightly more expensive craft... I put out a paper plate with paint colors and we painted the noodles first. 

 I had three different colors of glitter which we put into some mason jars.

While the noodles were still wet, we dropped them into the jars and shook them around to cover them in glitter. This was the best part.

Then we let them dry for a bit.

While you're waiting, feel free to paint your entire hand red.

I didn't get any shots of the actual assembly of the noodles because I was too busy burning my fingers with hot glue. But I simple glued them together one at a time, letting the hot glue cool in between until I formed a star. We glued a bowtie onto the middle.

I involved the kids with this last part by letting them choose which noodle I glued on next. Then we attached a pipe cleaner for a hook with more hot glue and they were ready to hang!

Today we will be attempting to make a GIANT gingerbread man. Wish us luck:)

12 days 'til Christmas!